The Panda Whisperer
by Thorn In Your Side
Summary: Imagine that Kira triumphed over Near in the war for the world. Imagine he’s planning a grand re-entry into society as God. Now imagine a rumor reaches his ears…a rumor of a man who calls himself Ryuuzaki, who looks remarkably like the animals he soothes,


**The Panda Whisperer **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note!  
A/N: Out of all the squillions of crack ideas to apply to the title panda whisperer, I pick the one that's angsty. I'm insane, but at least I write well. **

**Summary: Imagine that Kira triumphed over Near in the war for the world. Imagine he's planning a grand re-entry into society as God. Now imagine a rumor reaches his ears…a rumor of a man who calls himself Ryuuzaki, who looks remarkably like the animals he soothes, breeds, and lives with. Imagine that a curious Kira goes to investigate, and Light takes over from there.**

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

"He owns the preserve, kami-sama," Mikami whispered to his God, "He is a good man who raises pandas. They say—the locals—say that he sleeps with them, lives with them. They say he's one of them. They obey him completely."

"The locals, or the pandas?"

Mikami loved his God so much. He is benign, and mighty, and He has a sense of humor. "Both, kami-sama."

"Your God wishes to see this man, Mikami."

The archangel bowed. "I shall prepare Our passage."

"Your God will go unaccompanied."

To say Mikami was horrified would be an understatement. But the God's will won out, and for the first time in years, Yagami Light walked out of his tower.

_A man who looks like a panda, calling himself Ryuuzaki…_

_A porcupine's back, his head is, and he has eyes as though he never sleeps…_

_The Panda Whisperer came out of nowhere a few years ago and told us he couldn't remember his past…_

The preserve was on the artificial island of Haru, a satellite of Odaiba. A train to the shore would be needed, and then a speedboat to cross the Bay of Tokyo, and a car on the island itself.

_**Light, you are my closest friend…**_

The train's every jolt drove a bit of Kira out of the redheaded man, and the boy locked within him woke up a bit more.

_**Closest friend…**_

Light watched glumly as the landscape zipped past. That was all he'd ever been to him. A friend, at best. A criminal, at worst. A challenge, most of the time. Sometime between the fights, the chases, the sleepless nights and hectic days of Kira-obsessing, Light had fallen in love with the one man he ought not to fall in love with. Ryuuzaki-Ryuuga-L had figured it out almost as soon as Light himself did.

"You like me, don't you Light?" Despite the question mark, it was a statement. The handcuffs between them tinkled uneasily to dispel the hostile silence. "I'm sorry to know that. I don't suppose you think I have a right to know. Maybe I don't. This is hardly my area of expertise. I hope you won't think badly of me, but I am incapable of reciprocating your affection. It's a feeling I cannot hope to return."

_A feeling he could not hope to return._

"Why would I think badly of you?" The words were thick with suppressed emotion. The brunet glanced sideways and inched his hand along the metal chain that kept them together. The links clinked tetchily, Light's knuckles tensed, and Ryuuzaki's fingers brushed them fondly.

"I don't know how a mind in love works, Light. You will always be my closest friend, Kira or not. I hope that I'm wrong about this case, you know, just so we can continue to work together. I don't want you to make me a villain in your mind—though if you _**are **_Kira, I already am."

_A feeling he could not hope to return._

There was pain, and a desire to be forgiven in Ryuuzaki's eyes, but it was nothing compared to the maelstrom in Light's heart.

The train slowed to a halt. People got on. People got off.

It was inconceivable that there was enough of Light left in Kira for the impossible love to live on. Yet as the young ruler of the planet watched the horizon rushing forth to embrace him, that was what was stirring in the depths of the shadows where his heart ought to be. That was what was fanning long dormant embers of hope for an embrace he'd never known.

_**Ryuuzaki cannot be alive, **_Kira asserted confidently, _**I killed him myself. Using Rem as a tool, I destroyed him. I was there when he died.**_

_**He must have escaped, **_Light thought desperately.

There was no way a person could survive death…

But Light was convinced one person had.

Was Ryuuzaki not a genius? Would he really have given Light enough leeway to kill him? Had he to been suspicious to the very end, till his suspicions had been confirmed?

Could the death not have been faked?

In which case—and Light's blood was on fire now, his ire rising—in which case this was a game again. The return of L, and Kira shows up to see if the rumors are true. L catches Kira, tortures out a confession, and wins. End of story, end of utopia.

But Light had to know…

How had he survived?

_**Just this one moment of weakness, **_he promised himself, _**to find out how he could've cheated death. And then that's it.**_

He would revert to being Kira for good.

It was his stop. He made sure to smile at all the unsmiling faces as he left. There were an awful lot of them, and only a few smiled back. No matter. God was benign. God was approachable.

The docks. The fare. The boat. The sea spray on his brow.

And what if it wasn't a game? What if Ryuuzaki was in love with him?

_**Nothing says love me like a traitorous murder after all, **_Kira said cuttingly.

What were apologies for?

There was definitely a new bounce in Light's step, or there would be if he was walking. As it was, sitting still on the rollicking boat was posing a bit of a problem.

_**The sea is a useless resource, **_he thought, _**And it makes me nauseous. **_

The docks. The disembarking. The cab. The directions. The bumpy road.

_**On second thought, the sea is quite an economical asset. This road will have to go though.**_

His good mood disintegrated swiftly. The doubts rushed him again, along with that ever-painful sentence.

_A feeling he could not hope to return._

Surely now he was willing to see things his way. Surely he would realize the world was better off with Kira—with a God. Surely he would want to join Light…and he would be the crown jewel on the holy throne when he did. If he did. If the Panda Whisperer was him.

The gates. The fare. The lobby. The receptionist.

"The Panda Whisperer always wants guests! Please, go right ahead—ah. After we do a mandatory security check. Please don't attempt to hurt the trees or the pandas! You will be monitored on a camera. Here is a map of Enclosure A. We call it the Lounge! Please watch your step. Thank you!"

Bamboo had a queerly pleasant smell. Light made a note to buy some for the tower. He traversed the artificially worn path with a dainty, deliberate sort of care. Once or twice he saw hulking shapes, shy and friendly, watching him from the sides.

The clearing. The panda. And in its lap—the crook of its legs…the Panda Whisperer.

Light fell to his knees.

His eyes were closes, as if in worship. His lips were moving, as if in worship. His palms were joined, as if in worship. he was swaying to an unheard beat, as if in worship.

The panda snuffled softly, enthralled.

Light's eyes scoured his skin, his hair, his clothes.

He looked so much like Ryuuzaki. So much like L. The redhead's heart was going to burst from sweet disappointment, grief tempered by relief. He wasn't Ryuuzaki. The angles between his cheekbones and his eyes were wrong. The circles under his eyes were more purple than black. His hair stuck out in all the wrong directions. A thousand other details that only a lover should notice clawed at Light's face. This man wasn't _**his **_Ryuuzaki.

A sob filled with a terrifying mix of love and hate emanated form him. It startled the Whisperer, the panda, it even seemed to startle the trees. Birds called out to their mates in worry, pandas gobbled bamboo shoots in anxiety, and the Panda Whisperer felt fear stir in his heart.

He opened his eyes. They were hazel. Light looked into them, and found only simplistic compassion and instinctive kindness. There was none of L's cunning shrewdness, his calculating apathy. Contacts couldn't do that to a person's eyes.

The world swam around Light and his heart threatened to fail its duty. It had had enough pain. Light fought its attempts to shut down. Blackness soared over him and he saw the Panda Whisperer lurch in his direction.

When consciousness blessed him with sight again, hazel eyes blinked down at him in ponderous puzzlement.

"Are you alright?" the lips that were too plump to be Ryuuzaki's said in a voice that was too indulgent to be Ryuuzaki's.

Light found the words, but they weren't what either of them expected.

"Teach me to talk to the pandas."

They were in a small shack. Light could see through the wide, thatched window that it was in the enclosure itself—the locals had been right; the Panda Whisperer lived with his charges.

He moved away from Light. His back hunched, his hands in his pockets, he still wasn't Ryuuzaki.

"Not everyone can learn it."

"I think I can."

The Whisperer recalled the man's sob. It had rung on the lower planes of consciousness, of intelligence. The baser instincts of the creatures around him had been moved. Slowly, the brunet nodded.

I'll teach you. Meet me outside when you're ready. There's water, and a little food. I think it was the sun, mostly. The reason you fainted, I mean."

Light watched him go with an easier heart. He would stay for as long as it took to look at the not-Ryuuzaki without hurting. Once he was stronger, he would get back to his archangel, his tower, his plans.

Just one last moment of weakness. And then, he had a world to rule.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**This is what 'Immortal Pain' was supposed to be. A kind of closure. But I screwed the pooch on that one, while this is…less shudderific. In fact, its downright luscious, from this angle. **

**I made Mikami a pandering toady, forgive me. I'm a sinner, like the rest of them. 8D **


End file.
